Now that Week 3 of the 2024 NFL season is in the books, it’s time for an incredibly meaningful and serious exercise: NFL Power Rankings! What differentiates these rankings from all the others is that they’re THE only truly accurate ones in the entire universe. We use a proprietary system that heavily accounts for vibes. Let’s take a look at how all 32 teams stack up.
1 – Kansas City Chiefs (Last Week: 1) – Once again, the Chiefs aren’t winning pretty … but they’re winning. And it’s pretty hard to count on that stopping as long as Patrick Mahomes is standing.
2 – Buffalo Bills (LW: 3) – Josh Allen has produced nine total touchdowns to just one giveaway so far. He’s the NFL MVP through three games.
3 – Detroit Lions (LW: 5) – The Lions rebounded from a blip on the radar loss to Tampa. And they did it with style by scoring one of their touchdowns on a designed hook-and-ladder play.
4 – Minnesota Vikings (LW: 12) – The Vikings crushed the G-Men in New Jersey, edged out the Niners at home, and then obliterated Houston. They seem to be much better than anyone could’ve possibly expected. Brian Flores’ defense is allowing just 10 points per game so far. It feels like Sam Darnold has to come back down to Earth eventually … but maybe he’s just Minny’s new Case Keenum. And by that I mean he’ll look good this season before returning to worse form next year.
5 – Houston Texans (LW: 2) – Pretty surprising to see them not even look competitive against the Vikings. Maybe they got a little too high on their own supply. They’ll probably bounce back.
6 – Philadelphia Eagles (LW: 10) – Outgaining the hottest team in the NFL by 231 yards, the Eagles should’ve been able to win by more than just three points. This team could be really good if they can just stop with the self-inflicted wounds. Saquon Barkley is looking unstoppable and Jalen Carter may have turned the corner after an uninspiring first two games.
7 – Green Bay Packers (LW: 7) – The Packers have been able to get by with Malik Willis. It looks like Jordan Love might be ready to return this week. Will be very interesting to see how this Packers vs. Vikings game goes.
8 – New Orleans Saints (LW: 4) – The Saints’ offense looked unstoppable in their first two games before looking incredibly stoppable in Week 3. Probably safe to say the reality of their offense lies between those two extremes.
9 – Baltimore Ravens (LW: 8) – Derrick Henry can still play; the Ravens’ rushing attack is formidable. Despite this, Baltimore did almost manage to blow a big lead to drop to 0-3.
10 – New York Jets (LW: 14) – Aaron Rodgers looks like Aaron Rodgers again.
11 – Tampa Bay Buccaneers (LW: 6) – Getting dominated at home by Denver is not a good look. The Bucs might be more middling than good.
12 – Washington Commanders (LW: 28) – Jayden Daniels may very well be legit. He looks incredibly poised for a rookie. The Commanders haven’t punted since Week 1. They’re going to contend for the NFC East crown.
13 – Pittsburgh Steelers (LW: 16) – Being 3-0 is certainly nice. But there’s reason to wonder if the Steelers can keep winning like they have. Only eight teams have scored fewer points this season.
14 – Seattle Seahawks (LW: 17) – The Seahawks have defeated Denver (Bo Nix in his first start), New England (Jacoby Brissett), and Miami (Skylar Thompson/Tim Boyle) thus far. Credit them for taking care of business but we’ve yet to see them seriously tested. That changes with a game in Detroit up next.
15 – San Francisco 49ers (LW: 9) – The Super Bowl loser hangover is real and the Niners are just the latest example. Everything seems to be going wrong for them.
16 – Los Angeles Chargers (LW: 11) – The Bolts are dealing with injury issues, including a hampered Justin Herbert. And a Derwin James suspension to boot.
17 – Arizona Cardinals (LW: 13) – No shame in losing to Detroit but the Cards might be more of a wild card contender than a true NFC powerhouse.
18 – Los Angeles Rams (LW: 21) – You have to give the Rams credit for how they’ve battled this season. They’ve shown good fight despite dealing with a lot of injury issues.
19 – Indianapolis Colts (LW: 22) – The Colts are on the board with a win. This despite Anthony Richardson completing just 50% of his attempts and throwing zero touchdowns to two interceptions for a 39.0 passer rating.
20 – Atlanta Falcons (LW: 19) – The Falcons have shown some signs of life since not looking very great in Week 1. But they’re not truly scaring anybody.
21 – Cincinnati Bengals (LW: 15) – They’ve been more competitive than their 0-3 record suggests but their defense is an issue.
22 – Dallas Cowboys (LW: 18) – Mike Zimmer’s defense has been terrible. Over the last two weeks, the Cowboys have allowed 72 points and 888 yards. After getting beat twice at home, where they only lost once last year, they’re now about to play two road games. The Cowboys are at risk of going into a total tailspin. That’s too bad.
23 – Denver Broncos (LW: 30) – Needing a win to avoid starting 0-3, Sean Payton’s squad went down to Tampa and blew out the competition. The Broncos aren’t dead yet.
24 – New York Giants (LW: 31) – The upside of the Giants drafting Malik Nabers is that they now have an awesome wide receiver. The downside of the Giants drafting Malik Nabers is that they still have Daniel Jones as their quarterback.
25 – Carolina Panthers (LW: 32) – Bryce Young’s career is looking pretty cooked. The Panthers were so much better with Andy Dalton under center.
26 – Las Vegas Raiders (LW: 23) – No better example of the NFL being weird than the Raiders beating Baltimore only to then lose to Carolina. A Gardner Minshew benching appears to be looming.
27 – Cleveland Browns (LW 26) – This team is so dead in the water with Deshaun Watson. His passer rating from his last four starts is 72.2.
28 – New England Patriots (LW: 24) – After a feisty two-week start, the Pats looked a whole lot more like the bad team they were expected to be. They’ll hope that Drake Maye can show some promise in a rebuilding year.
29 – Miami Dolphins (LW: 20) – When you’re down to your third-string quarterback (and that guy is Tim Boyle), things clearly just aren’t going your way. It will be interesting to see if Tyler Huntley can get anything cooking.
30 – Chicago Bears (LW: 25) – Bears fans probably have to be thinking that taking Caleb Williams over Jayden Daniels was the wrong decision.
31 – Jacksonville Jaguars (LW: 27) – Doug Pederson is in trouble. Trevor Lawrence appears to be his new Carson Wentz.
32 – Tennessee Titans (LW: 29) – Will Levis can’t stop turning the ball over. He’s thrown seven interceptions and lost seven fumbles for 14 total giveaways in his last nine games. The Titans are 2-7 in that stretch.
