At this point, we’re fairly sure tuning company Mansory is in on the joke. Its cars are designed from the outset to shock, and drive online engagement, and maybe, just maybe, appeal to the select group of ultra-wealthy and taste-devoid individuals who might actually buy whatever inexplicable garments are in the latest Balenciaga collection.
In other words, Mansory’s creations are pretty low-hanging fruit for internet-dwelling saddos like us to point and laugh at. And it looks like we’ve gone out to the orchard and forgotten our stepladders. Join us, then, for a no-particular-order run-through of 10 of the most horrifying creations to ever emerge from the German firm’s workshop. Viewer discretion is advised with this one…
Ferrari Purosangue ‘Pugnator’
Mansory Pugnator
The idea of a Ferrari SUV was probably heinous enough to prancing horse purists before Mansory inevitably got its hands on the Purosangue. Its efforts are… pretty much what you’d expect.
Called the Pugnator, which sounds like it has something to do with how ghastly this thing is but is actually the Latin for ‘contender’ or ‘combatant’, Mansory’s take on the ‘FUV’ involves covering pretty much every surface it could with dark red forged carbon fibre, a pattern that looks like it came off an armchair your nan had in the ’70s.
Lamborghini Urus ‘Venatus S’
Mansory Venatus S
The Lamborghini Urus is already one of the most aggressive, in-yer-face cars on sale, but that’s never enough for Mansory.
The Venatus S throws a spectacularly complex bodykit at it, including not one but two rear wings, and tops everything off with a graded two-tone green and black paint job and an aquamarine interior that strangely makes us think of a dental surgery. Looking at it is about as painful as getting a tooth extraction, too.
Mercedes SLS ‘Cormeum’
Mansory Cormeum
The standard Mercedes SLS managed to successfully reinterpret the elegant lines of the 300SL without becoming a tired, retro pastiche. Then Mansory said ‘What if we rebody it in bare carbon fibre, give it a wing that looks like it’s inexplicably mounted a foot further forward than it should be, and try to graft on the nose from an SLR?’
That particular thought experiment should probably have remained just that, but it didn’t, and the Cormeum was the result.
Porsche Cayenne ‘Chopster’
Mansory Chopster
The original Porsche Cayenne’s styling was met with derision when it launched, and though two decades of hindsight (and far uglier cars) have rather softened our opinions on it, the Mansory ‘Chopster’ brings the shock value right back.
Lots of bare carbon, gaping grilles and that truly perplexing two-tone pattern all make for a truly challenging viewing experience. Props to the heavy use of Times New Roman, too – nothing says style like a default typeface from Office 2003.
Rolls-Royce Cullinan ‘Linea d’Oro’
Mansory Linea d’Oro
The oversized, leather-clad London taxi that is the Rolls-Royce Cullinan was ripe for Mansor-ification the moment it launched, and sure enough, the tuning company offers no fewer than five bespoke packages for the car, plus a host of individual add-on parts.
The prize for Peak Mansory goes to the Linea d’Oro, which slams the colossal SUV on 24-inch(!!!) rims and covers it inside and out with shimmering gold accents. Oh, and the large amounts of forged carbon are flecked with real gold inlays. Truly, a car for the kind of person with genuine f***-you levels of money.
Smart Fortwo Widebody
Mansory Smart Fortwo – interior
All these enormous SUVs and snorty supercars are a bit impractical for cruising around a city centre though, right? Even discerning Mansory customers could use a runabout every now and then, which is where its widebody Smart Fortwo comes in.
By Mansory standards, the exterior is pretty tame (although 18-inch wheels on a Fortwo do look a bit absurd). However, when Mansory debuted the car, it trimmed the interior in one of the most staggeringly retina-searing hues we’ve ever seen. We suspect you’d only be able to drive it in five-minute bursts before your vision started to go blurry.
Bentley Continental GTC
Mansory Bentley Continental GTC
Much like the SLS, the Bentley Continental GT was an elegant, restrained grand tourer until Mansory got hold of it. Lots of carbon, many vents, and some bizarre and cheap-looking LED lights later, this is the result.
Oh, and because it’s a GTC, people will be able to see you. And they won’t miss you because, much like the Venatus S, this has an interior pinched straight from a high-end medical facility of some sort.
Ferrari 599 ‘Stallone’
Mansory Stallone
An ode to the lavishly-eyebrowed star of the Rocky and Rambo franchises? Nope – ‘stallone’ is Italian for ‘stallion’, as in the angry boy horse on Ferrari’s crest. While plenty of tabloids have thrown around rumours that Sly has had some cosmetic work done, though, there’s no such speculation with his automotive namesake: it’s pretty clear to see.
Most notably, Mansory seemed to think that the angular nose of the pointy mid-engined Enzo hypercar would work well on the more elegant, curvaceous shape of the front-engined 599. Spoiler alert: it does not.
BMW XM
Mansory BMW XM
Yeah, this sort of had to be on here, didn’t it? Ever since it launched, the XM has been essentially a punching bag, a handy demonstration of the modern overindulgent excess of car companies and the dark path that BMW styling has gone down in recent years.
If there’s one thing Mansory does better than anyone else, though, it’s overindulgent excess. The regular XM is vulgar enough that Mansory’s transformation actually isn’t that dramatic, but with that much forged carbon introduced to the party, you know the tuner has left its mark.
Mercedes G-Class ‘Gronos 6×6’
Mansory Gronos 6×6
Editor’s note: at this point, the author entered a state of medical shock. We’re currently trying to revive him by showing him pictures of old Alfa Romeos and Maseratis.
